Today I wanted to share a couple of my sweetest memories of Dan- (who is doing pretty well right now, he's being picky with food but I am offering him everything all the time so he' fallen into the trap, he holds out for what he wants. He is eating, though, just a mishmash of things, that are giving a little digestive trouble now, though not as much as I'd worried - so far) His bleeding has stopped, he's a bit more himself, but still quite subdued most of the day...perks up for walks and meals.
We have some findings from the vet, so we know there is stuff going on - going for a urinalysis Tuesday and likely starting a couple of meds, which I hope will keep him more comfortable and buy us some more time. One thing we know - his heart has worsened. so whatever is going on with his prostate/bladder, the heart issue is looming very large as well.
He really crashed about a week ago, with the bloody urine, fatigue and inappetence. Right now, we have no more of the blood and he is eating well, but still gets tired (I would expect that in a 14 year old large breed with heart disease) .
But I am aiming for a few good days, measuring time now in smaller chunks - Tuesday we get more information about why his albumin is low, so I'll just try to relax into the time between now and then. Once we have more info I will know more about what to do with diet.And if he goes on Fortekor, which I hope he will, I'll adjust his herbs as well.
I am standing in the kitchen, on the laptop as usual, listening to the incredibly beautiful music of Peter Sterling - this track, actually:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fuAs72VbsQ0
drinking my morning herbal blend (elderberry, orange peel, rose hips and cinnamon) and remembering....
Cherished Memory #1) when I first brought Danny home, I was still deep in my grief for Luke. Lila was inconsolable, she had started to pee the bed the night after Luke died, and continued to look for him in ways that were unmistakable and totally heart breaking to witness. I was mired in self reproach, that I had somehow caused Luke's cancer - the wooden deck out back, very old - did it have arsenic? Did all the fish oil I gave him hasten the bleed? and so on. Alex was basically living at his dad's place in Kemptville, trying to wade through the acres of hoarding bequeathed to the family when the old man died. Into this emotionally fragile landscape came The Puppy. ...same breed as Luke, but what I came to call the "Anti-Luke" as he was just so much the opposite in every aspect of personality.
The first night, Danny slept in a laundry basket in my closet, not sure about climbing into bed with Lila and me. He was a little timid - overwhelmed if not exactly scared - so I didn't coax too much. Next morning - that first bright happy day with him - we went downstairs for bathroom break and breakfast, as we would every day for the next almost 11 years in that house. I wish so much I remember what else we did - but it would have been play in the yard, short walk with Lila (who had advanced cardiomyopathy at that time so we did short walks only, which is really best for small pups too) and meals, and then more play. I think some of these images came from that first day:
oh, I remember carrying him over my shoulder!
Well, on the second night home he jumped back into the laundry basket, in the closet of my bedroom, and Lila got in bed with me (we had a King size back then to accommodate all 140 pounds of Luke) and we all drifted off. I figured, Daniel would come around and recognize the bed was ok in his own good time.
It was a waxing moon that night... the bedroom was flooded with light when I woke up. I don't recall what time but the moon was low over the bedroom..and Danny had climbed up, snuggled right into my neck with his little face pressed right into my ear. He was gently snoring..I woke with a sense of love engulfing me, and just lay there, in the moonlight, with this wee baby sleeping so trustingly and sweetly beside me. It was a moment I will never forget - neither Luke nor Lila, much as they both loved me, every snuggled like that. As he grew, Dan always wanted to sleep right next to me...under the covers against my legs, some times watching tv at night he would actually hug me, throw his puppy arms around me and fall asleep. It was a moment of such joy when I woke that night, in the bed Luke had occupied for his 8 short years, I knew right then I was going to be ok.
Cherished Memory #2) This one is short, but oh so sweet. <3
On Dan's first birthday, I made him the stew I had planned for Luke the weekend he died - Luke's favorite and one most dogs seem to adore - stewing beef, sweet and white potato, made with a natural gravy (no onions!) Dan was always mad for food and loved his meals, but I didn't make this rich (and not very balanced) meal often - he was already showing signs of the digestive sensitivity that we worked with all his life. But when I fed him that night, he was so excited he kept pawing the bowl, pouncing on it! I had to stop him several times or the contents were going to fly everywhere. He did this little ...Happy Dance around his bowl, too excited (almost) to eat, and then finally leaned into it and demolished the whole thing.
I was still chuckling to myself when I figured he was done, that display was so cute - when I realized he was not...quite done. He had saved the biggest chunk of beef and was using it as a toy. Having licked the bowl clean, too, he was no tossing the extra large beef chunk in the air...leaping on it...shaking it a bit..throwing across the room...all in such a state of heightened joy I could do nothing but stand watching, convulsing with stifled laughter. I didn't want to disturb his dance...it went on a long time before he spied me,gave me the big startled eyes of that era- grabbed the meat and finally, gulped it down.
That was Daniel to the core of his being - delight in everything. Absolute, total joy in living.
And he gave that to me in spades, everyday of his life.
I don't have an actual birthday picture, but this would be Dan in our kitchen at about a year old.
Isn't he beautiful?
My musings for the day. Now we are off for a little toodle around the block, or as far as he wants to go, and home for lunch, whatever he wants to eat.
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