Day Eight

Daniel...my love. I know you can tell I am sad and fearful at times, although I do my best to hide it. It is only normal that I would be - but you need to know what else I feel. That it is a privilege to be worried, to love and care for you, to make your meals and do my research and take you to the vet and go out with you several times a day, just to break your now fairly monotonous routine with some sniffing and fresh air...that washing your bedding,  checking your pee, every last step of this stage is absolutely my honour, to give a little back to you, who just by your being you, have and still do, give me so so much.

I am blessed that we have had this beautiful, joyful, sacred time together.

I am blessed that it has lasted this long, which is much more than many are granted.

I am blessed by the joyful and loving presence of you in my life, today, tomorrow - and the memory of all our vanished days of happiness and joy.

I was so blessed to find you - to raise you, to watch you grow from a funny, wide eyed little puppy into a strong, dynamic, handsome young adult. Every wander we took down every forest path, new or familiar, I was so deeply blessed by your faithful presence and companionship.

I am blessed today to be your caregiver, your Anam Cara - your Mom, though some balk at the word, that is who you are to me.  Best friend, soulfriend, protector, companion, comforter, daily delight -and child.

Through all the changes and challenges of the years, and of the present, I have been blessed by you - the comfort or our daily routine, your sweet warmth sleeping beside me, the daily happiness of our life together - the walks,picnics, car rides, meals, long afternoons out back in the sun - simple joys, inexpressible love.


And I am grateful and blessed for these final days, with all their inherent worry and sorrow, because this is my time to give back as much as I can, though it can never touch all you have given to me. To love and care for you as your physical body fades - as the end starts to hover near - is my deepest privilege as it is my profoundest sadness.

And I promise not  let darkness engulf me now. I have loved you with all my heart and I will for all the days that remain to me. You are my Starshine, my Ray of Living Light, and that is what will remain, always, alive inside me.

Danny, my love...
I am blessed
I am blessed
I am blessed.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rh6r5hFPFng