My sweetheart, snaps from Novembers gone by.
Loved with a love beyond all feeling, Missed with a grief beyond all tears.
We were listening to Tapestry (well, I was) and I shot a video of him refusing to look at me. Cherished.
He was four here, still loved first snow.
Several shots from 2011, he LOVED that big rock and always jumped up on it every single time we walked that trail, even in the snow. <3 Happiest days of my life, bar none.
First November at the new place
Oh that little babyface he did, and the ears....2017
2018.....He looks kind of miserable but he LOVED that grinch, courtesy of the Bark Box. (we had given up trying to trim nails at this pint, with his heart diagnosis and how over the top he got about trims)
At this point, 12 and three months, I could see some changes, we were getting more bloodwork, and he often looked unwell in pics, but would explode into normal Danny behaviour once the camera was gone. I adjusted and re-adjusted his diet...and walked twice a day, albeit shorter ones. I look back and wonder if he was really sad, having left all our joyful days of freedom behind. But he never seemed very happy when I took him back to the old trails, he looked forward to his short, leashed walks around here seemingly much more.
A lot more of this (above) by November 2019. He was 13 and three months and seemed tired a lot. A few months later he would start passing blood in his urine,intermittently, and we did Xrays, urinalysis etc but no ultrasound as the thinking was, it was prostate. Really, it was the first signs of his cancer. I just kept him warm and comfy and well fed and entertained in short bursts. On the occasions he'd get up and be his "old self" - throw a catbed, rip up a cardboard box, empty a garbage basket - my heart both sang with joy and ached with foreshadowing. I knew we were nearing the end, but I was managing my grief by focusing on fighting for him.
There are no pics from November 2020, his last: by then we knew he had GOLPP on top of the heart disease and he was passing bloody urine daily, sometimes with clots. I was in no mood for pictures, also a month after finding out my "lumbar sprain" is actually four vertebral fractures due to severe osteoporosis. It was a terribly hard time. I don't know what altered state I was in that pulled me through Christmas, but I did it - presents, meals, the tree. Maybe that's how I got through the inevitability of losing Danny. And he stayed stable for me, with his severe blood and blockages starting in January, and his final day in early February.
Danny, my Rabbit, I love and miss you so.The joy you brought me will last forever...even as this sorrow will as well.
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